Desires and dreams. Part 2.

I was thinking about what i wrote in the last post about dreams and how everything leads us to its realization. I still stand by it but there's a dichotomy, a complication rather. Actually there are many, i just want to concentrate on this one particular issue that has been gnawing at my insides for quite some time now.

You see, we all have many dreams. And more often than not, these dreams clash with each other. How do we reconcile this with the fact that all our life is about making our dreams come true?

In my case for instance, i want to earn "my own" money and do things for my friends and family, like they have done for me. I don't want to marry. I hate the idea of compromising and adjusting and giving up what i believe in-which is what marriage translates into, in my society at least. Some like to call me a radical, a feminist, i wouldn't call myself that but some of my liberal ideas do come under the gamut of feminism. I do not want to give up those ideas and i refuse to cook and/or rear babies while my husband goes on tours, works late night and shuts me up by saying he's doing it all for me.

On the other hand, i thrive on the image of spending my life with my knight in shining armour. I dream about waiting for my guy, seeing him walk through that door, straight to me and hugging me after a long day at work. I love the idea of eating with the man i love, cooking for him even. I hate the idea of being alone or with dogs in a sexy house, though i tell my mom everyday that it's that i really want and will have in my life. I mean let's face it. I suck at being alone and i hate doing what i suck at. I'm a perfectionist like that.

I like to be the best at whatever i do, which is why i give up on a lot of things before starting. Especially stuff like planning surprises and birthday parties, which is why i rarely do it. I understand this is one paradox that should be resolved soon, in my mind at least. After all, it's impossible to get something when one doesn't know what that "something" is.

Anyway, i just thought of another case of dreams clashing head on. I have dreamt of being a journalist since i was in class8. Of course, the dream was smothered, ridiculed, put on the back burner, killed almost, but it managed to survive more or less unscathed over time. After two years of graduation in English, i have a more realistic shot at this dream than ever before.

But then again, i want to be rich and i want to be good, very very good at what i do. The latter is definitely impossible for me in journalism given my writing skills. The former too, is more or less impossible given the current print media scenario.

So what do i do? Which dream do i follow, if any at all. Looked at like this, i think it's more about holding on to something vital for a happy life, than about giving up either of the two or more dreams. It's not about giving up on one's passion for more money but about keeping it on hold. Because there will be a better time, when nothing will light up one's life more than following one's passion.

I can't do journalism after my bachelors because i'm not ready to ignore my dream of being rich just yet. I know i will be an unhappy person even if i exceed expectations as a journalist. Being a filthy rich, high flying executive with an enviable MBA degree, an impeccable track record and an indecently huge bank balance to boot will however, make me a very happy person. For some time at least. And i think i'll settle for that for the time being.

If that doesn't work, i know i can always fall back on a journalism degree and be happy that i'm doing what i love most.